Currently Listening What to Do When You Are Dead By Armor for Sleep see related

I've experienced heartbreak. Being so infatuated with someone and making yourself so vulnerable to them, giving them everything you have, hoping to god that they catch you, and in the end, they don't. And you fall harder then you've ever fell before. And your heart breaks. To those who've never had their heartbroken, I must say, are very lucky. The gut feeling you get, and you don't know whether to cry or scream. And you can't help but wonder how someone could unintentionally hurt you so bad. And you hurt, and you don't stop hurting.So I think it might be time, time for me to keep on walking, and not look back. I'm coming to accept that people dont give a fuck about you and when they find someone else new they like to through it in your face and talk to you any type of way and hurt you really bad It hurts, I don't deny that. But time has been my healer.

You turned out to be someone that I never have wanted to be with, but you had so much potential, to be so much more than you are now, and my heart got broken along the way. And you know what? It's not okay that you hurt me, but I am okay. I deserve more, and I know that now. And maybe you knew that inside, that you couldn't give me that yet. So you set me free. Maybe someday you'll regret it, maybe someday you'll think it was the best decision you ever made, but maybe someday you'll see me walking, smiling and happy, alongside someone who's also smiling and happy because he has my heart. go...Maybe then you'll stop and realize what you're missing. because someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go.

Currently Listening Built by Blood By Bleed the Dream see related

Well, I have mono. Again. I hate it so fucking much. I have the smallest air passage ever now, because my glads are so swollen. It just sucks. But I'm not tired, anymore. I got over the tired part. Well, kinda. My mom told me I don't have to go to school tomorrow, which is okay, I guess. But.. I really miss school. Like, I like going to school. I left early Thursday at like 10 in the morning, and slept till Friday afternoon. & I was still tired. [[ Don't ever get mono. It sucks. ]] Ugh. But I just hate missing school, and having to make up the work, and blah blah blah. I missed 4 tests, and I have so much homework that I have to make up. But whatever, I guess I'll do it tomorrow in bed.

So, I didn't really get to talk about the Armor for Sleep concert.
Well, to keep it short... I like Chiodos. Like, a lot, now. I met the lead singer [ who hit on my friend, Zach. ] & the lead guitarist. They seem pretty cool. Um... Boys Night Out is really titty live. Like, that's who I went to see, and I was really dissapointed. They played a lot of crappy songs, which pissed me off, and they sounded horrible. But Armor for Sleep blew me away, honestly. They were amazing.

Ugh. I'm gonna go. I'm kinda tired, now.
Maybe an update tomorrow when I get up.

<33

So I went to go see Armor for Sleep last night.

They were amazing.

Happy Birthday Benji & Joel. <33

The big 2-7 now.

They're still my first loves. hehe.

Currently Listening In Love and Death By The Used Hard To Say. <3 see related

I still play the worst weekend over in my head, every single day. It sucks because I knew that this was happening, and I just didn't want to believe it. I kept telling myself, " Are you kidding, Rachel ? Never. " & I just left it alone. I feel like it's all my fault now because I... I... I just do. I don't think I will ever ever forget about it. & you know ? The sucky thing is that she is still with him. After all this shit. She has bruises from him & she's still with him.  She is terrified to leave him. I want to do something. But she won't let me do anything. She said that I'm blowing this out of proprotion & that he didn't mean it. Bull shit. If he really loved you, then he would have never put his fucking hands on you. Ever. I can't stand it. I can't stand that she is so oblivious to the situation. He beats you, baby. Can't you see that ? I just wish that I could do something... She told me not to worry about it, so you know what ? I'm just going to leave it alone. I'll leave her alone. I won't talk to her. I haven't talked to her since it happened. Because of what she said. She texts me everyday, telling me she's sorry. But sorry isn't cutting it this time. I watched him hit her & drag her around like a fucking reg doll. She's not a fucking thing, you ass cunt. She's a fucking girl. One of my best fucking friends.  I put them both on the prayer chain at church. For guidence. I just have to let go. This is in your hands, Lord. I know you will help her choose the right path. <3

Well... everything else is better, I suppose. I've been a lot happier lately, minus that weekend. I've been hanging out with Kayla a lot lately, which I will never complain about. She's my best fucking friend. Number One. There is absolutly nothing that I would change about her. It's like... we were made to be best friends. I love this girl more than anything in the world. She means the world to me. Honestly, I could go on for hours talking about this girl. She completes me. Really, she does. I love our stupid little talks & just everything. She is one reason that I have a smile on my face. Because I have her. She is an amazing girl with an amazing additude & sense of humor & just everything about her makes me go crazy for her. I love saying " Yeah, that's my best friend. " & I will never regret it.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. Well... we were talking on Friday before I left to go to Kayla's, & said he would call me that night. So of course, I think back that he's just fucking with me, so I didn't take my phone. He called. 7 times. You know how fucking stupid I felt ? But then again, I think that he just called because he said he was going to. I don't know what do do about this anymore. Does he like me ? Is he playing with me ? I mean,  I don't want to be 'just friends' with him. I don't want to be his girlfriend, either. I just want what it was like in the summer. When we liked each other. Leaving everyone without telling anyone and going up to the train tracks. Laying on Ian's bed & in his back yard. I mean, when I first met Ronnie, I felt like I knew him forever. He gives me that feeling that when he is my mind, my stomach gets butterflies in it. I felt like I could tell him anything, and he opened up to me, too. We just bonded. He really liked me. I don't know what happened, but I want that back. I want someone to like me for me. Not for ass.

But that's what he likes. Ass. I told him I wouldn't have sex with him. He knows it. & he won't pressure me into it. I hope. But I don't think I can trust him. I can't. I mean, I don't know. It's just how he is. With girls & everything. I don't know. I'm acting like he's mine & everything. Back off, Rachel. Ugh. Help me.

Edit later, possibly.
I only ramble in here now cause no one uses XANGA anymore. & I love it. <3